Don’t Email (or Text, Facebook, or Tweet) While Angry!

Don’t Email (or Text, Facebook, or Tweet) While Angry!

We’ve all been there.  You get an email or text message that really makes you angry and you want nothing more than to fire right back.  After all this person has just insulted you, or hurt you, or even threatened you.  That fight or flight instinct kicks and before you know it you have typed out a scathing reply that cuts the sender to the quick, possibly even questioning his/her parentage and/or intelligence.  Before you hit the “send” button, stop and think.

We have previously discussed how things you post online or share electronically can be used against you in a divorce and custody case.  It is even more common for emails and text messages to be used in divorce and custody proceedings.  Oftentimes, those messages are written in the heat of the moment and things are said (typed?) before the writer has given much thought or much less tried to cool down.  It creates some cognitive dissonance for a judge when someone is trying to portray themselves as a paragon of moral virtue and the opposing attorney has copies of emails and text messages in which that person is swearing like a drunken sailor.

Other problems arise when written communication becomes the only means of communicating between parents.  As this article points out, the nuance of the English language is lost in written communication.  You lose tone of voice, a great deal of context and most definitely body language, so it is imperative to be clear in your communications to avoid mixed signals.  I represented a father one time and he and the mother of his children insisted on only communicating by text message.  It was terrible.  These two could not get along to save their lives and if anything could be misconstrued it was going to be.  I begged him to pick up the phone and call her on occasion before flying off the handle.  It is no telling how much each of them spent on attorney fees simply because they refused to communicate effectively.

Finally, these messages often wind up containing very damning evidence that can totally torpedo your case.  Why give your opponent the ammunition?  I have had cases where people admitted to affairs, drug use, theft, abuse, and abandonment of their children in texts and emails.

Before you hit the send button, use the same test used by the Office’s Dwight Shrute.  Stop and think.  Take a deep breath.  Ask yourself some questions.  Would you want this read in court?  Would your attorney advise you to send this message?  How is this going to help you and your children in the long run?  Remember don’t type angry.

Photo courtesy of RA Torsten Kellotat

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