How Do I Handle Out-Of-State Timesharing?

How Do I Handle Out-Of-State Timesharing?

Child custody and timesharing cases can be some of the most difficult, emotionally charged cases.  These cases are further complicated when one parent lives in a different state.  There are a number of things to keep in mind in dealing with a timesharing schedule across state lines.

BE FLEXIBLE

This is good advice in any co-parenting situation, but is doubly important in multi-state situations.  If the parties are flexible and realistic in these situations, it makes life so much easier.  The parents have to realize that they will not be able to share the same sort of schedule as parents who live in close proximity.  Holidays will not be able to be divided in the same manner.  It may be necessary to consider alternating holidays or celebrating the holiday on an alternate day.  In my own family, we have adopted the tradition for years of celebrating major holidays on the Sunday before the actual holiday just to make sure it does not interfere with anyone else’s plans.  As our family has grown and expanded this has continued to work for our family.  After all, the important thing is the time together, not the date on the calendar.

MONEY MATTERS

Increased distance between the parents means increased expenses transporting the children.  Figure out the finances on the front end.  Will one person transport to visits and the other return the child?  Will you meet in the middle?  Dealing with the expense of traveling for visits gets even more important if air travel is necessary.  The airfare, hotels, gas money all add up over time.  The more detailed you can be in the planning, the more likely you will avoid contention in the future.

COMMUNICATE EARLY AND OFTEN

When in person visits are not possible, electronic communication becomes vitally important.  Fortunately, there are a numerous options available for parents and children separated by long distances.  Skype, Google Hangouts, FaceTime and other video chat options are available to actually allow you to see the child while you are talking.  Keep in mind that children have social lives as well, so you may need to include time for reasonable and regular communication in your parenting plan to ensure that the child is available.  Although it is not a perfect solution, it will help you maintain an active role in your child’s life.

Although multi-state parenting is a difficult situation, safeguards can be put in place to make it as workable as possible.

Photo courtesy of Kevin Dooley

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