Should I Talk to My Spouse During Our Divorce?

Should I Talk to My Spouse During Our Divorce?

Recently I was involved in a case where it was quite obvious that the other attorney had advised his client not to speak to my client about settlement negotiations. This was a case where the parties had been separated a while and there really was not that much to fight over but the other spouse simply would not sit down and talk to my client about the case. Motions were filed, letters between attorneys were exchanged hearings were set and bills increased. Ultimately, the case got settled for right about what my client wanted to settle it for in the first place. After the fact, my client confirmed that the other spouse’s attorney had, in fact, discouraged communication between the parties that could have resulted in a much quicker resolution (there was also some indication that the attorney was not passing along our settlement proposals, but that is an entirely different problem).

This illustrates a significant problem in a divorce case.  Divorce cases, unlike most civil lawsuits, involve people who know each other. Granted it is probably not wise for two litigants in a car accident case to communicate directly on a regular basis, but that is not usually the case in a divorce. Regardless of whether the parties in a divorce are talking settlement or not, they are most likely going to have to talk about some things. Whether it is transporting little Johnny to the baseball game, who is getting the blender, or who paid the car insurance, there is most likely going to be some communication.

I am a big proponent of keeping the lines of communication open as much as possible during a divorce case. You and your spouse know your lives, and your children’s lives, hopefully, better than anyone else in the world. Moreover, studies routinely show that people who have a hand in the resolution of their case are much more satisfied with the outcome. If you and your spouse can sit down over a cup of coffee and hammer out at least some of your issues, you should go for it as long as you discuss any ultimate agreement with your divorce attorney before signing anything. It will save you money, time, and heartache. If you talk to an attorney who discourages you from talking to your spouse without a valid reason, you should ask yourself why you are getting that advice and who stands to benefit.

Admittedly, there are occasions when talking with the other spouse is not a good idea. In situations of domestic violence, it may not be safe to do so or there could be a court order in place that prohibits communication.  Further, there are some relationships that have become so toxic that it is not a good idea to talk with the other spouse without an attorney or other person present as a buffer. As always, discuss your particular situation with your attorney to figure out what is best for you.

Photo courtesy of Search Engine People Blog

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