Category: dating

Should I Move Out of The House or Will It Hurt My Case?

Should I Move Out of The House or Will It Hurt My Case?

You have decided it is over, maybe papers have been filed, all you want to do is be away from the other person.  But should you move out of the house?  I am asked that question with some regularity. Many people are scared that they might be accused of abandonment, but with the advent of Kentucky’s no-fault divorce system, that is no longer a concern.  Nevertheless, it does not necessarily mean that you should immediately move out.

The first question is whether you will be asking the court to designate you as the primary residential parent for your children.  If so, you will want to stay with the children and maintain as much stability for them as possible.  Therefore, remaining in the home would be best.
If you believe that ultimately, you will want to keep the residence, it is usually a good idea for you to remain in the home.  Oftentimes, once one party moves out he/she establishes another residence, it is very easy for a court to see that the living situation is working and award the house to the party still residing in the house.  That is not to say it happens every time, but it often comes into the court’s decision making process.
If you have decided to leave, you need to think about the process rationally.  Leaving is going to most likely increase your emotional and financial stress.  Whether it is to escape domestic violence or you have simply decided that leaving is the best thing for you and your family, you need to approach this situation with a great deal of planning.  You will never have a better opportunity to prepare for your divorce case than when you are in the home.  Consider the following points:
  1. Figure out the finances.  If you are leaving you need to assess both parties’ incomes (or lack thereof), document that income, and work out a budget.  The last thing you need to do is stretch yourself too thin by renting a place you can barely afford and then get hit with a child support obligation.
  2. Prepare for co-parenting.  Help the children cope with mommy or daddy moving out.  Kentucky now requires some form of co-parenting class in divorces involving children.
  3. Itemize the property and debt.  You will never have a better opportunity to catalog the property that may be in dispute than when you are in the home.  Do it before you leave.  This includes the residence itself, intangible assets (financial records, stocks, bonds, etc.), business interests, and physical assets such as furniture, artwork, vehicles, etc.
  4. Marshal your resources.  Make sure you have access to as much money as possible.  Divorces are expensive and so it setting up your new place.  Talk with family and friends about helping you with loans/gifts.  Access bank accounts and credit accounts.  You may consider selling some items, but discuss this with your attorney first.
  5. Do not think that just because you have moved out that you can behave in any manner you like.  You need to assume you are being watched or that your actions will get back to your spouse.  It is best not to date or do anything that might make you look bad in court.  Talk with your attorney about possible dos and don’ts.

Moving out of the marital residence is an important decision that should not be taken lightly or without preparation.  Make sure you understand all of the relevant issues before you make a move.  Above all preparation is key.  Do not do anything without discussing it with your divorce lawyer.

Photo courtesy of Meathead Movers

You Can Annul a Divorce in Kentucky

You Can Annul a Divorce in Kentucky

You have been divorced.  You went through the arduous process.  Perhaps, you and your now ex-spouse even duked it out in court.  You reached a settlement agreement or the judge made rulings on child custody and dividing your property and debts.  Now tempers have cooled.  You are talking civilly to one another, maybe even went on a date.  Cupid’s arrows are flying.  You have decided to get back together.  It’s as easy as simply getting remarried right?  Not necessarily.

First of all consider the fact that by some statistics, the rate of divorce in second marriages is in the neighborhood of sixty percent.  Allegorically speaking from practicing family law for years, I can say that the rate of divorce for second marriages to the same person tends to be even higher.  However, hope springs eternal.  Nevertheless, remarriage may not be the best option.

A little used provision of Kentucky law actually allows a couple who wish to get back together to annul their divorce.  This action actually voids the divorce decree and any separation agreement.  The effect is that the divorce decree or separation agreement has no legal effect as though it never happened.  That means that anything that was marital property before the divorce is once again marital property.  It may also be used to prevent a lapse in coverage of health insurance since most employer plans will automatically drop a former spouse.  If the divorce is annulled, the insurer should recover the spouse and, arguably, cover the period of any lapse assuming premiums were appropriately paid for family plan coverage.

If you choose not to annul the divorce, get remarried and then realize that you just cannot make the marriage work for a second time it could have a major effect on your second divorce.  The property that was divided in the first divorce remains each party’s separate non-marital property.  Remember non-marital property includes property owned prior to the marriage, even a second marriage to the same person.  This may or may not simplify the second divorce, but it usually comes as a surprise to at least one of the parties who assumed everything went back to being marital property by virtue of the marriage ceremony.

These are not easy issues to handle.  When Cupid’s arrows start flying, you might be wise to get out of the way.

Photo courtesy of Hans Splinter

Should We Consider Marriage Counseling?

Should We Consider Marriage Counseling?

Most counselors would tell you that they wish you consider marriage counseling before contemplating a divorce.  Nevertheless, I would like to think it is never too late to salvage the relationship if both parties are committed to the effort.  Marriage counseling as most people think of it is generally short-term therapy consisting of between six and a dozen sessions.  However, some types of therapy may be more ongoing.
I recently heard from one couple who had successfully saved their marriage after almost divorcing only two years into the marriage.  That have now been married six years and still see a marriage counselor on a monthly or bi-monthly basis just “to keep things running smooth.”  This couple learned that marriage counseling not only helps them deal with current issues they are having but also how to spot the mole hills before either party makes them into giant mountains.  People often find that marriage counseling not only strengthens their relationship, but also helps their overall mental health because problems in a relationship also usually lead to other personal problems such as chronic depression, anxiety, and stress.
A word of warning if you consider marriage counseling; assuming the counselor is doing his job correctly, both parties should be made to feel somewhat uncomfortable during the process.  That is just part of change and obviously if you want the counseling to work, a change is going to have to take place.  Additionally, in order to give the counseling a real opportunity to succeed both parties need to make some commitments:
   Commit to attending a set number of sessions.  Most counselors would recommend at least six sessions.
   Commit to improving the relationship
   Do not make any big moves in dissolving the marriage.  This may include actually filing for divorce, moving out of the house, or continuing a relationship with a paramour
   Follow the recommendations of the counselor.

Keep in mind when looking for a counselor that different counselors have different approaches.  Some counselors are focused solely on maintaining the relationship absent abuse or danger.  Other therapists are more focused on the mental health of the individuals involved and remain somewhat neutral as to saving the marriage.  Regardless, the survival of a marriage is a long-term effort and commitment.  Setting aside time to work on your relationship is important to its success.
Photo courtesy of Pascal
Jennifer Lawrence & Other Celebs Learn – Your Photos Are Never Completely Private

Jennifer Lawrence & Other Celebs Learn – Your Photos Are Never Completely Private

You have zero privacy . . .”
Scott McNealy, then CEO of Sun Microsystems

The latest photo scandal for Jennifer Lawrence, Victoria Justice and other celebrities illustrates an important point to remember in your divorce or custody case.  Your photos and your information are never as secure as you think they are.

I previously discussed the fact that your Facebook and other social media can be used against you in court.  Nevertheless, people often feel much more secure having their own “private” stash of photos, videos, etc.  These “private” images almost certainly will not remain “private” once a civil suit is filed.  If anonymous hackers are able to seemingly routinely get their hands on private photos of celebrities, how much easier will it be for someone close to you (i.e. a spouse or lover) to figure out a password or supposedly secret hiding place?

Unless you wind up with a child as a result of a one night stand, most likely the person on the other side of your divorce or custody case kno
ws you quite well.  Most likely, they can guess your password to your phone without a lot of effort or they know that supposedly super-secret hiding place you use.  Those will be some of the first places they look to dig up dirt on you.

In the years I have been handling divorce and custody cases, believe me I have seen people who felt the need to record, write about or photograph some pretty bizarre things.  The relevance of these depends on the facts of the case and may actually be of dubious value from a litigation standpoint.  However, their value for settlement negotiations can be immeasurable when the writer, video star or photo subject really, really does not want them released into the public record.  The value of these can go up exponentially if you are seeking maintenance and have already started a new relationship and decided to “document” it.  Why put yourself at risk?

Anything that is photographed, written down or recorded has the potential to be used against you in court.  So before you decide to be a star in your own movie or you decide the world needs photos of you in your unmentionables (trust me, we don’t), ask yourself if you would want your grandma to see it.  Unless your grandma looks like this, in which case you should just cut to the chase and decide if you would ever want a judge to see it when deciding if you are a good parent.  The best advice is simply to keep your privates private.

Photo courtesy of Amy Wilbanks